Malaysia's National Everything

NOTES: Malaysians or whoever that understand these passage, please leave your comments (your opinions towards this passage whether it is true or what you think).

For my non-Malaysian friends, sorry for the language since these are Manglish(Malaysia English) which is a mixture of Malay and English and there are consider as broken english. Please do forgive for any inconvenience.


NATIONAL BEHAVIOUR AT CAR SHOWROOMS:
First walk towards the car you are interested in.Then walkaround the car in circles, tapping and knocking every part of the chassis with your knuckles. Then say something like "Body not very solid". After that approach the front left tyre,give it a few hard kicks just to "test" the tyre. Next walk to therear right side and press the body of the car down a few times,and exclaim loudly "wah, asorbar not bad". Are you done?Now you're ready to do the static "test drive". Get into the car and give the steering wheel a few turns. Flash the lights,sound the horn, recline the seats, pull and release the hand brake, open up every compartment etc. Do all thetests while you're pretending to read the brochure. Finished?Final test:get out of the car and slam the door a few times tocheck for "solid sound". If satisfied, approach the sales man and ask "How much loan can take?"

NATIONAL RICE COOKER:
National Rice Cooker. 99% of Malaysian households use a National Rice Cooker, theother 1 % don't eat rice.

NATIONAL DOG NAME:
Lucky or Poppy. Every self respecting mongrel in Malaysia who has an owner will invariably be named Poppyor Lucky.

NATIONAL BREAKFAST (ON THE WAY TO WORK):
Nasi Lemak. Who cooks and eats nasi lemak at home for breakfast anyway?

NATIONAL BREAKFAST (AT HOME):
Maggi Mee. Also the national lunch and dinner ifyou're a outof town student, bachelor, neglected husband, lazyfella, etc.

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR HAIR LOSS:
Maggi Mee.

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE:
Traffic Jam.

NATIONAL CONDOM:
None. Most Malaysians still feel embarrassed buying condoms. So they rushed in to a Seven Eleven,hurriedly grabthe nearest pack, any pack, pay and leave beforethe cashiercan even blink an eye.

NATIONAL FRUIT FOR INDUCING MENSTRUATION:
Pineapple

NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK:
Stout. Many swear by it. But after a few pints they start swearing at everything

NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC(MEN):
Food Poisoning.

NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC(WOMEN):
Menstrual Pain

NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY WOMEN WHEN REFUSING SEX:
Headache, kids not asleep, maid not asleep,mother-in-lawaround, early appointment, food not digested yet,air cond notcold enough, air cond too cold, nail polish not dryyet, forgot totake the pill, sleepy, stomach cramps, period,haven't removemake-up, haven't shower, no water supply, going towatch"Santa Barbara", depress, no mood, etc.

NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY MEN WHEN REFUSING SEX:
None. Malaysian men never refuse sex.

NATIONAL SECRET SEXUAL DESIRE OF MALAYSIAN MEN:
Transvestites. Every heterosexual male Malaysian seems tohave a secret desire for a "bapok". Come Saturdaynights,they will flock to all those places where the transvestites hangout. They ogle at them, tease them, pay fortheir "services",etc. They never fail to honk in excitement whenthey see oneon the road. And the Saturday night outings tothese placesare always in a group of three or four male friends.It's a kindof Malaysian male bonding. Yes. Male bonding by seeking men dressed up as women. It's no wonder thatdrag showssuch as "Paper Dolls" are ever so popular inMalaysia.

NATIONAL CURE FOR HEADACHES:
Panadol. The "cure all" for Malaysians. If it fails we have another secret weapon;Tiger Balm.

NATIONAL CURE FOR DIZZINESS:
Minyak Angin Cap Kapak.

NATIONAL CAUSE OF DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
Happy Hours.

NATIONAL INSTANT CURE FOR DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
The sight of a police road block.

NATIONAL CURE FOR DIARRHEA:
Pil 'Chi-Kit' Teck Aun. The miracle cure! It works.Ten minutes and you're "dried" up. Always pack some of this stuff whenyou're travelling.

NATIONAL PASTIME ON WEEKENDS:
Queuing up patiently at 4D shops. This is very strange. On week days you'll find the same people jumping queues,elbowing the next guy at the bus stops, train stations etc.THEORY & REALITY. The probability of youwinning the first prize at a 4D game is 10000 to 1. Hard to comprehend? Imagine you're at the Merdeka Stadium and you're standing onthe field facing the grand stand. There are only 10000 spectators and you have lost your car keys. One of these guys in the crowd have found your keys. I give you only one chance to pin point that guy. No way right?! S omuch for th etheory. Now for the reality. Malaysians are an optimistic lot and I believe that the possibility of your lucky number coming up in a permutation is always almost 10 to 1. That is why the next morning at the kopi tiam, someone will be screaming%#*&! Na Phui! Number Terbalik! My good friend Loo Singh, a regular punter has offered the following tips. When you're at any KTM (Kuda, Toto, Magnum) outlets always avoid a queue consisting mainly of Chinese. These fellas don't like pen andpaper. They bark their bets across the counter causing unnecessary delays. Avoid the queue where ther eare manyIndians. Indians like to place RM 1 bets. Onlyproblem is theyplace about 200 RM 1 bets at the same time. The whole ofSentul probably "tumpang" him. Go for the queue where there are many Malays and Indonesians. Usually, theyplace small bets and only on one number.

NATIONAL WATCH FOR TYCOONS:
Rolex. Usually the model with the gold braceletand diamondstudded bezel.

NATIONAL WATCH FOR YUPPIES:
Tag Hauer. Every yuppie's must-have "show off" accessory.Usually further down the wrist, in the palm is a tiny Motorola Vseries cellular phone. The irony is that Motorola spent much time and effort creating a phone that fits comfortably inside the shirt pocket.

NATIONAL WATCH FOR THE REST OF US:
Rolex, Tag Hauer, Raymond Weil or Patek Philippe from Petaling Street.

NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP:
Anywhere. As long as it is not your house.

NATIONAL PLACES FOR SMOOCHING:
Lake Gardens, cinemas and reservoirs.

NATIONAL PLACES FOR PEEPING TOMS:
Lake Gardens, cinemas and reservoirs.

NATIONAL MOST MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME:
Carrefour. Sometimes even pronounced as Carry 4!On second thoughts, why bother pronouncing Peugeot,Renault or Citroen correctly. I thinks it soundsbetter, when the local mechanics say "Pew Jeot". When I was inschool, Milowas always Mee Lo, now that I'm sophisticated, Isay "MyLo". So don't be embarassed saying "Carry 4"when the Mat Sallehs shamelessly pronounce orang utan as "rangutan".

NATIONAL BEHAVIOUR AT ANNUAL DINNERS:
Attacking the Balloons. This one I can never figureout. Whenthe balloons are released from the ballroom'sceiling, grownmen in suits, women, children, even the waiters willattack theballoons like savages. They squashed andstomped on theballoons so ferociously until not one single inflatedballoon isleft. They take no prisoners. They then quietlymarch out ofthe ballroom like victorious soldiers leaving behinda trail ofdeath and destruction. Animals!

NATIONAL ROADSIDE DISTRACTION:
The Bra-less Tourist. See how heads turn and traffic slows down when a bra-less Mat Salleh backpacker goes bouncing about on the streets of Kuala Lumpur.

NATIONAL POSE:
Stick Two Fingers.Another one which I can't figure out. When you're having your picture taken, the friend behind you will alwaysplace two "horns" on your head.

[souce: ~ Trying To Be Funny ~]